didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
