apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she looked like the before picture.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
