Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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