he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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