We're facebook friends in real life
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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