feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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