i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
