i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
