toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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