Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
