Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
