Girls should come with a carfax report
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
