When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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