I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
