Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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