Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
