You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
