TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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