I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
