I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
