Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
