so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
BRING THE BAGELS
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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