he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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