If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The Olympian is in my bed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
