So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
