my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
