i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
