So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
