i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What a dumb baby whore.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
