this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
