If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
