I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
only if we run a train.
done.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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