and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
