I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
