DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
