I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize