Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
