I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
