I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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