I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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