atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
