NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
tell me about the fingering
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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