whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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