somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
