Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
