and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
