if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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