booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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