I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
