Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
