I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You left your phone here
Wait...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
