so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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