just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
